Let me start off this rant by saying this much: I work in retail. I am instructed, by my bosses, to say “Happy Holidays” versus, say, “Merry Christmas.” Seeing how they are my higher ups and, in fact, can fire my ass, I’m obliged to listen to what they say. After all, I already basically spend the entire time I’m there socializing with people and being the village asshole anyway. However, I’m digressing.

Many a customer will verbally attack me, saying, “Why not Merry Christmas? It’s Christmas!” Let me respond with a few questions of my own. What about the other holidays? What about the other religions? What about, most importantly, the people who don’t give a damn about these days? Do we just ignore them because they don’t celebrate Christmas? I have some advice for the people lobbying for the whole “It’s Merry Christmas” side of this argument. Please, for the love of all things pleasant and vacation-oriented, STOP BITCHING. Pardon my bluntness, but it’s ridiculous to make such a fuss over something like this. Allow me to explain.