A techno-fetish goes unchecked
Aug 26th, 2009 by scaredpoet

Evil iPhone

I’ve come to the realization that there appear to be a number of technologists out there who are in serious need of therapy.

We sorta new this when people first started getting addicted to their Blackberries. Now it seems, we have a small but very loud and vocal segment of people who both use their iPhones and utterly hate them at the same time, and totally refuse to shut up about it!

Case in point: this article. Is the author nuts? You decide:

Not long ago, I would have confessed, with the shame that some people feel over having had multiple spouses, that I have been the owner of multiple iPhones. As with any bad union, there is a story behind each one’s demise. My starter phone lasted for a little more than a year, until the battery got old and the phone, which had never behaved well, really began to act up. The next one wasn’t around long: I dropped it; it shattered. My third, a fussbudget sort, got a little bit damp and refused to work. Now, I am on my fourth iPhone, whose screen cracked weeks ago, and which plagues me daily with its many bugs and quirks and connectivity issues. But the thought of yet another trip to the Apple Store Genius Bar (“the Smartass Bar,” as one friend calls it) fills me with the sort of deep, skeletal exhaustion and existential dread I might feel were I told I had to attend couples counseling for a fourth go-round. I’d rather not deal with it.

The author’s neuroticism only gets worse from there. She decides the problem isn’t her expectations that technology will save her from the tedium of life, but the device itself for not living up to the salvation-capable qualities she’s placed on it.

Folks, let’s be clear about something: that phone you have in your pocket? Doesn’t matter if it’s a Palm Pre, and BlackBerry, an iPhone, a smartphone or a dumbphone. It’s just a piece of plastic, glass and metal. It’s not going to save you from your personality deficiencies. It’s not going to cure your ills. It’s just a gadget. And if it’s controlling your life and causing you tons of anguish, then guess what? Maybe it’s just a little more tech than you can handle, and it’s time to end the “relationship.”

Seriously! This “author” is blaming the device for the dysfunctional relationship she’s having with it. She’s anthropomorphized it, given it these savior qualities, clearly abuses it, and then is disappointed when it fails to meet up to the savior-like expectations she’s imbued upon it. Then refuses to acknowledge where the problem is. Yet, despite her professed hate and the numerous times she’s destroyed her little “relationship,” she still plunks down hundreds of dollars, again, and goes back for more.

If it wasn’t an inanimate object, then I’m sure we’d be seeing police cars at her place on a frequent basis, breaking the two sides up for the night, possibly even sending one side to spend a night in a cell. It’s kinda sad, really.

What’s the first step to treating an addiction? I believe it’s admitting you have a problem. Unfortunately, the author is not there yet. At the risk of depriving us all of these droll pieces of literature she writes, the author should stop spending her cash on iPhones, and start spending it on a therapist.

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