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My response to the Sausage Fatty

scaredpoet

Sausage

Dear Randy Taylor,

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you find your turkey(s), tubs of stuffing and mash ‘taters, Ham(s) and all the other massive amounts of food you’re about to eat of sizable quantity this holiday season. Of course, the whole of the internet is totally aware of your “little” problem with Jimmy Dean. I realize that us Yankees don’t appreciate how much a Southern Man has to eat, and how very pussified we northerners are with our Maple & Sage sausage, big as they come.

I just want you to know, that while you’ve succeeded in making an obese ass of my former home state of Texas, myself and my Yankee friends are enjoying original recipe 16 oz sausage in all its glory. Don’t you wish the South had Bob Evans, too?

With appreciation from your friendly Geekaroid,
Scared Poet. 🙂

Jimmy Dean and the Sausage Queen

scaredpoet

sausage

Make no mistake: Texans are obsessed with size, and they’re obsessed with their sausage. And when their sausage doesn’t quite measure up any more, they get angry.

Randy Taylor is the embodiment of the Texas Size Queen. He’s clearly killed him a b’ar when he was only three, and was making his own ‘guddamn’ sausage 30 years ago. And he got angry when Sara Lee, makers of Jimmy Dean brand sausage, reduced the size of their breakfast sausage roll from 16 oz to 12 oz. So, he called their customer support line and left a message in protest:

Audio: Jimmy Sean Sausage Complaint (1 minute 59 seconds, 1.4MB MP3 file)
WARNING: Much cursing at the end. Listen with headphones!

Listen carefully, and note the caller’s description of what his family eats for breakfast. Got his point, folks? Jimmy Dean is for Southerners… to eat alongside their couple dozen eggs and T-Bone steaks every day.

After hearing Fatty McTexan here, I think 4 ounces less sausage might actually do the man’s family a bit of good.

I think this audio is also confirmation that certain people who speak on certain particular southern twang – one our Fearless Leader happens to speak in – pretty much brands you an idiot the moment you open your mouth. It’s not a stereotype. It’s just the truth.

Even more sad: The Consumerist picked up on this audio and tried to legitimize it! I’m sorry, but the call is just too idiotic to crusade for. Fatty has had enough sausage, thank you very much!

And this is why I feel the Consumerist COULD be a potentially good site if it weren’t for the fact that it finds stupid causes and rallies behind idiots more than it works in support of legitimate complaints.

How NOT to review technology

scaredpoet

iPhone_upsidedown

Here’s a word of advice to technology reviewers: please make absolutely sure that when you’re reviewing a new gadget, you know to use it properly. Do NOT do what poor bumbling Brit Ian Woods did when he reviewed the iPhone in preparation for its imminent launch in the UK:

My first few calls on the phone were not very clear. I couldn’t hear the caller properly. Ah – a fault, I thought. Then I realised that the protective film which covers the screen when new, also covers the earpiece. Duh.

Well Ian, the real “Duh” is that in your photo, you’re holding the phone upside down: the highly-visible black part of the iPhone is connected to the mouthpiece, and the earpiece, obviously, is at the other end. While others have complained about earpieces that weren’t loud enough, your calls were muffled because you didn’t know how to use it right.

Congratulations. You are now the laughing stock of Mac fanboys everywhere.

UPDATE: It appears someone tipped off Mr. Woods, and Sky has replaced the old photo with one where he is using the phone in its correct orientation. Thankfully, the wonders of right-clicking-and-saving-as will preserve Ian’s blunder for posterity. 😀

Hey Ian, what gadget are you reviewing next? Because no matter what it is, I assure you:

You're Doing it Wrong.

Pix plox 2007, Part 1: Pittsburgh, PA and Anthrocon – July 4 week

scaredpoet

Soap

Awww yes, with the weather getting chilly finally and our stomachs engorged with leftover Halloween candy, it can be said that Summer is officially over, global warming be damned. With that, my attention turns to aggregating and publishing the photos I’ve taken over the summer.

We begin with my July 4 trip to Piittsburgh, PA, where myself, Onzeumi and Harknell visited the Pittsburgh science museum and the the local Aviary. Then, on to Athrocon 2007, a convention that is always great camera fodder because, well… there’s plenty of lads there dressed up like the guy in the photo up above. And sadly, his message was all too poignant. But the event was amusing, anyway.

This photo album is the first gallery on this site using AWSOM.ORG’s PixGallery plugin. It’s a nice little plugin that makes it easy to dump large amounts of photos in your blog withut having to resort to cumbersome additional modules that have to get linked in. If you post galleries, give it a try!

The full image library is behind the tag (warning: LOTS of images):
Continue reading →

Random Guy Says Something

scaredpoet

it’s official: Journalism has hit new lows with the quoting of anonymous sources.

Prior to about 2001 (in fact, before 9/11), anonymous sources were pretty sparingly used, because there was little use for them. They didn’t add credence, and we weren’t in this state of hyperinformation where people need new info nownownow, any any info, authoritative or not, will do. But then of course, 9/11 happened. People got hush-hush and supersecretive, and informing the public by way of anonymous leaks fell into fashion. News sources began to think it was okay to quote anyone who had just about anything to say, so long as it would fill space and make news. Truly bad, irresponsible journalism had finally entered the golden age. And despite cases where such sources (and the information) turned out to be the plagiarisms and even the figment of some writer’s imagination, the news outlets still haven’t learned.

Well, the New York Times hit rock bottom today. Now, not only are the sources anonymous, but they’re offering nothing but non-information:

“The entire organization is in uproar, and people have been looking for leadership,” said one Citigroup executive close to the situation. “The organization is waiting for something.”

“At some point, the company is worse off or better off without the guy,” this person said. “That collective point has come and passed.“

Uhhh……….what?!

I can only guess from this quote that Citigroup has gone beyond a state of confusion and is now in a State of “Meh.”

Really now, what the hell were the reporters thinking? Yes, reporters: It took two of them, Eric Dash and Landon Thomas Jr., to extrude this drivel. Not to mention at least a couple of alleged world-class Editors at the Times to let this slip by. Slow news day, much?

Then again, they do let this guy masquerade as a technology expert, so I guess the days of expecting something decent from the Times are long gone.